69. Ruh Roh Scoob

Last chapter…

We visited the court of The Ayar and met some new people, that included a giggly silver haired king and his trusty sorcerer sidekick, Kumya, who may or may not have decided to give it all up and pursue his dreams as a fertility detective.

Also we got to see the queen again, and met her lover slash mystical adviser, Sabit, who has amazing tattoos, lots of worries, and likes to read stars (idek man).

Everyone was stoked because baby boy incoming (those are kind of a big deal in patriarchal monarchies I guess?), and we got to see some concubine booty (unless you read the censored version, then you only saw a happy lime).



“I don’t understand, why can’t you just fix him?  You fixed P–my hus–,” Cassie took a deep breath, “you’ve fixed this condition before!”

“It’s not that simple, my dear,” Prim did her very best to sound sympathetic, “in the last case we cured, the vampire’s Sire was dead…your son’s Sire is not.”

“What difference does that make?  It’s a disease, isn’t it?”

“It’s a magical disease though, Cassie,” Calliope was far better at sounding sympathetic, “you know how strange and finicky magic can be…”

“Does this mean I’m stuck like this?” Mosi groaned, “but I don’t even have fangs!  How am I supposed to…you know…make holes?”

“I’ll admit, that is rather peculiar,” Primrose tried to remember if she’d ever heard of such a thing before, surely she had a book on the subject somewhere.

“Balsam!  I need all of our tomes on vampires at once!”  Where was that blasted cat?

“Don’t worry, my dear,” Prim gave the poor thing an encouraging smile, “we’ll get you some nice plasma fruit, yes?”

“Where does this leave us, then?”  Demanded Cassie, “do we need to hunt him down and kill him?  How do you even DO that?!”

“Well, er…back in the day, when vampires were sometimes an issue, one could employ the services of a vampire hunter.”

“Didn’t your cousin Jerry used to date a vampire hunter, mother?”

“Ooh, Sorsha the Slayer?”

“That’s the one!”

“She was really more specialized in low level undead, I think–”

“Ohh, yeah, that’s right; ghouls and botched zombies etc.”

“Well, we could certainly see if she’s still around; perhaps she could recommend someone?”

“I mean, we don’t have much in the way of assets, though, for payment…”


“What do you mean, ‘no’?”  Cassie frowned, “baby, we’re trying to fix you–”

“I do not require mending!  Not if it means someone has to terminate…”



“Just…no!  I will not hear of it!”

“It’s to be expected,” Prim assured his mother, “this peculiar attachment…it’s very common with new vampires; I’d be happy to share a manuscript with you about it if that blasted familiar would arrive…”


By the Goddess; it was beginning to get truly irksome.


Celina frowned as something half remembered chased around the edges of her mind…something about…voices?

But there weren’t any voices, there was only the muffled sound of a car passing by, the quiet hum of the refrigerator, the hiss of food striking a hot burner…

“Goddess damn it!”  Hopefully the stew wasn’t in the process of burning to the bottom of the pot while she stood daydreaming.

The front door slammed and voices filled the hall, accompanied by the thunderous sound of feet charging up stairs.

“Hey sweetie, that smells delicious!  How was your day?”

Celina sighed, “they’re going to wake Ryan up!  How many times do we have to tell them not to run in the house?”

“At least once more I guess,” Colton chuckled, “don’t worry, I’ll put on my stern-dad-face and go hunt the savages down.”

It was hard to stay mad when the sweetest man the whole world was kissing your cheek.


“Holy fuck shit…”


Not cool to freak a bitch out before she’s had her coffee, yo.

“Good morning, little sister!  You look…well...fornication must be agreeing with you.”

“Wow…so you found out, huh?  Did Mosi tell you?”  Artemis tried to muster some anger, but she just felt kind of sad, “I mean, I’m sorry, okay?  I didn’t–”

“Think nothing of it, water under the bridge, etc, I hope the pair of you have many fat children.”

“Oh…okay,” was it just the lack of caffeine, or was Selene acting freaky as shit, “I mean, we’re not really at the kid phase yet…but thanks?”

And wow, all that Balsam switcheroo subterfuge for nothing…damn.

“Of course!  I only want to see my only sister happy, do I not?”

Was that a rhetorical question, orrr–

“Wait…are those my boots?!”

“Why yes, darling; I’ve appropriated them…be a doll and tell our mother I’ll be out for the day, would you?”

“Don’t wait up.”



“Are you aware that you’re pacing, mother?”

“I cannot–cannot help it,” the air around them crackled with nervous energy, “something is–wrong, can you not feel it?”

“It’s this ‘house’,” huffed Orion, “it’s too small…why can we not continue to live with Madam Pennyroyal?  Her house is so much more spacious, mother…”

“When did this feeling come over you?”  Asked Aries, ignoring his brother’s complaint.

“It awoke me in the night,” a terrible prickling on her skin, “I haven’t had a moment’s peace since…”

“I’m telling you, it’s this tiny house,” insisted the younger twin, “enough to drive a person mad…and there are not enough plants…”

“Is it the anchor again?  Perhaps it has drawn near?  We could go look–”

“No no no,” she replied, more to herself than anyone else, “it cannot be that, can it?  The anchor is mine, the anchor is light…this is darkness…this is…”

“…an intrusion.”

Something whispered in the corner of her mind, sending a fresh chill down her spine.

“We must get to Primrose’s house–immediately!

“Ooo!  Yay!”


“Selene, yes?  You’re Cassandra’s eldest girl,” ‘Oly’s father’ the memory supplied, “she’s still holed up in the study with my mother, unfortunately, but you’re welcome to wait for her in the parlour.”

“Thank you, Mr. Pennyroyal, that would be lovely; tell me, are either of Persephone’s boys at home?”

“Ah, I suppose you didn’t hear?  Persephone moved her family out of The Woulding; they still visit mother from time to time, and of course she comes for Oly’s tutelage–”

“Well, isn’t that a shame,” ‘a male witch, though’ yes, he would do in place of a fairy, “I’ll wait for my mother in the parlour, but could I trouble you to show me to the kitchen for a beverage first?”

“Of course, right this way…”

“Holy crap!  Dad?!”

“Oly!  Thank goodness you’re here…I thought no one else was at home; I was getting a damp cloth for his head, he simply collapsed for no apparent reason…”

The witch in the loud sweater rushed to their father’s side, “he’s not breathing!  He doesn’t need a damp cloth, he needs medical attention!  Omg, go get Grim Gram, quick Lena!”

“Oh my…how dreadful…”

“…fear not, my friend…”

“…I’ll set things right.”


Hey, this is chapter 69!  I wanted to do something special, ok.

Anyway, that’s what you get when you sneak around behind your bestie’s back with their sister I guess, huh?  A knife in the back (get it?) snerk.

Sorry.  Too soon?  😬


Toothsome Crocodile: “HAPPY SIMMING!!”

35 thoughts on “69. Ruh Roh Scoob

  1. She didn’t go from 69ing to scissoring, but straight to the knife!

    …I’ll see myself out?

    No I won’t because I scrolled up again and saw BUD. Phew. I was worried there was a pinch of reality to Lena’s dreams but Bud always comforts me (say no to housewifeing…even Colt would agree?)

    Liked by 5 people

    1. IT’S BUD.
      That’s pretty much what this whole thing was about…who are the rest of these people and their shenanigans?
      For Bud.

      Liked by 4 people

      1. One day I’ll get my Bud PoV. No witches, no vampires, just Bud shitting on the deck~

        In my frenzy of thoughts I wonder why Mosi is chickening out of killing a man. GUess I’ll never know. 👀👀👀

        Liked by 1 person

      2. LOL. OMG.
        At the Mosi not wanting to kill a man, not the Bud PoV; that makes stone cold sense.
        Chapter 70. The Hunt for Cucumber

        Liked by 2 people

  2. OH SHIT

    Not what I was expecting for the “special” chapter… woahhhhh. Ahhhh! Bastet what are you doing? Stealing Artie’s boots (rude! 😡), seemingly murdering poor Oly’s dad… And what has she done to “Celina”??? 😭 Girrrrrrrl we are gonna have some harsh words over this. Gahhhhhh

    And my poor lil Mosi all vampy (botched vampy?) and protective of his sire. Poor baby. Loving them glowing blue eyes! They suit him ❤️ but seriously tho this is all such a mess, ahhhhh! (I love it and hate it at the same time 😭)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah, kinda “oh shit” 😬
      Okay, probably “oh shit”…

      I mean, when you have as many nerples and vajimjams and weens flopping around as I do, a special chapter is one where errybody is fully clothed, yes? 😀

      The real issue here is the boots, yes; man, I hate it when sisters take my shit without asking, rawl.

      Isn’t he cute with his new eyes?! Eeee ❤
      Trust Mosi to be the one guy who fails at becoming a vampire properly tho 😬

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Once she took the boots it was all over. The rest was just icing on the cake! 😡

        Poor Mosi. I hope he does extensive research to discover the source of his missing Fangs!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. This chapter made me glad I don’t have any sisters, tyvm.

    As others have expressed, I too am surprises that there were no Special Sixty-Nine Shenanigans. Let’s see if your 69 turns you into a killer too, LOL. The suspense is…killing me (but hopefully not Oly??). I loved their outfit this time around (I always do, tbh) and I love the ombre hair so much. How can you even think of taking Oly’s Look from us?!

    Oh man, “Celina’s” mindfuck. LOL, loved the 50s aesthetic though, even if it’s pretty messed up that she’s possessed and ignorant of what’s going down with her own bod.

    ALSO CONGRATS TO BALSAM (and the proud papa, Mosi)!! Why’s Mosi protecting Nubbins tho? Does he secretly want a piece of that? 🤔

    Liked by 3 people

    1. HA… story of my life “whur is my thing”
      Spoiler: sister has it.

      All good things must come to an end, alas! Even Oly’s outfits (and possibly life?) O.O
      The spirit of 69 transcends! Murder is TOTALLY legit use of a 69 😀
      (Or so I’m told 😈)

      Well, what do you do when you move into a spiffy new house and find it already occupied by vermin?
      Okay, so most people would kill the vermin.
      Bad example.
      Anyhow, yeah! See how nice “Bastet” is tho? Setting her girl up with a cushy life, sweet man, passel of kids, and a beautiful cock(er spaniel)! 😀

      O.O I should throw them a baby shower…

      I mean, who *doesn’t* want a piece of that tho? 😈

      Liked by 1 person

  4. eh, Prim’s rocking that new look! c:

    Also Mosi not wanting Nubs hurt? I sense a ship in construction. Nubssi ❤ Will it sail?

    Balsam should have maybe used some protection… doesn’t he ever read his boss' books??

    also Lena erhm… Lina(!) being in an alternate reality. and Colt's not afraid of germs?? That's a bad mistake here, Bastet! Shame on you. Lena might find out something stinks (if enough brains…)

    Artie and gran might probably bond over their fashion taste. Unless gran is mean to Oly I guess :c

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Ain’t she just? I feel like she still has that witchy vibe, but with modern flair 😀

      Poor Mosi, he was greatly effected by that encounter with Nubs; maybe he just wants to sort through his feels? O.O
      Or maybe he wants a big old piece of Nubbins-cake 😈

      I think if poor Balsam knew he’d be getting into a bit of Mosi… or, well, I guess actually Mosi got into him… he would have defs come better prepared 😀

      I know, right? It’s almost like the person who made up that A/U didn’t *quite* know what they were doing and might have missed a few things, tsk!

      LOL. So long as gran doesn’t want to ‘borrow’ Artie’s boots tho…

      Liked by 1 person

  5. We just gonna ignore the pregnant changeling, or…? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure, based on his episode of puking, that he may or may not be carrying a mutant bab courtesy of Mosi. 😬

    But LENA! Girl. Are you just possessed, or are you actually going to try to stab your BFFAE in the back?!?!?! Gramma Bastet, you calm tf down ok! But at least Gramma has a snappy sense of fashion. Lena hasn’t looked this good since she infiltrated Oly’s dream. *Smirks*

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I mean, puking in sims IS basically the solid pregnancy confirmation!

      I mean, Lena has good reason to be KINDA MAD AT OLY, but I’m not sure she’d go all stabbity rabbity?
      If anything else, we can be glad that she’s rocking that hotness now 😏

      Liked by 2 people

  6. Look at that! Vampirism really makes Mosi’s eyes pop! No, no, we don’t want to see Nubbins hurt, do we? We do!! A tiny little hurting, maybe? So we could group hug him later?
    Sorry for your house wife nightmare with Colt, Selene, I like you, but Celina or whoever she is now is way cooler. No hard feelings. Sacrifices are so much more exciting than moping teenagers! We’ll get some sacrifices in the name of Bastet/demon/godess, right?
    I wonder how Raet would say about this chapter.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Mosi wears the vampire look well, apparently (shame he didn’t nail the whole package though 😬 poor kiddo)
      Poor Nubbins! I mean, I *know* Cassie is mad and stuff, but did he really do such a bad thing? Now her bby boy gets to live FOREVER!

      LOL! You like the new occupant better? She’s certainly more fun to dress, that’s for sure 😀
      And more… stabbity. 😬
      But I agree; mopey teens are DREARY.

      I think Raet would be horrified, and probably feel bad she inadvertently stole Pili from his family… but maybe understanding about what needs to be done in the name of the Goddess 😈

      Liked by 1 person

  7. OMG! I can’t believe that queen would kill both Oly and his father! Praying Oly takes the amazon down!

    And awww…Lena’s dreamland time is set in the sweet 50s…hope she comes out of this ok!

    Poor kitty is preggers and Prim is fit to be tied! (Loved her pants!)

    Everything is in turmoil and I’m on the edge of my seat! I hope the witches can save the day somehow (or better yet, let Artie save her beau!)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ahh! Yeah, I guess the best we can hope for at this point is that someone intervenes in time, or that, like, she misses or something…

      I think that of all of them, Real Selene seems to have it the best? LOL
      At least she gets to live a nice quiet life (for now).

      You think she’s fit to be tied now, hehehe, wait until she finds out her cat is knocked up (ebil delight)… as soon as I saw those pants I was all YES; DONE.

      Well, someone better save something, or give that crazy woman a stern talking to (and maybe take away the knife)!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Eeek…I’m almost there….and the new Seline/Bastet is bad ass….but killing your sisters lovers father, isn’t that going a bit too far. But Bastet is from another time…where men were sacrificed, but her nephew will now live forever which is what she wanted right….hmmm…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are SO CLOSE.

      Oh, I guess by now you’re probably already done ❤

      "Selene" (Bastet?) is definitely doing some unpopular things atm… I mean, you don't HAVE to kill a folk, right?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. meow did u guess? eheheHeHEeehe

        Ya his mom didn’t have The Talk w him yet about safe sekcs, she waiting until he a little older, doh!

        Liked by 1 person

  9. What the ever livin’ fuck? Bastet is a baddie? Lena’s in some fake reality, and you’re possibly about to kill off one of the best characters? 😦 Maybe not, but I never know what to expect anymore. That’s a good thing, but damn.

    Liked by 1 person

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