84. So Long Suckers

For CENSORED Version: Click Here (censored for boobies & men touching man parts)

Last chapter…

Artemis failed to get good cell reception in the middle of the forest, but that’s okay bc there was a really nice probable cult member lurking around in the woods to ‘show her the way’.
Naturally, Artemis followed without question.

Cassandra had some feels on a beach (if anyone deserves a time out for feels on a beach, it’s this poor lady tho, geeze), then she decided to be brave by trying to float away; didn’t work as intended, woops.

Oberon planned ahead but was left hanging (Cassie was busy ok), so he decided to just yolo and go for it (I’m sure that’ll end well).

Oly and Spud saw us out with a peek into life as a dream-toddler, and it turns out that Guardians can’t be bribed or threatened, but by golly, maybe they can be bargained with?



“There it is, right where I left it.”

‘It’ was apparently a sacred temple, dedicated to the patron Goddess of their founding Queen…Anubis had been expecting something marginally grander.

“This is as far as I go; it’s probably fine, but I don’t want to accidentally rip apart time and space by bumping into my past self.”

It was still difficult to swallow that he would be soon be meeting the vampiric former self of the man who had raised him.  Perhaps there was even a part of him that believed this to be some sort of strange, elaborate ruse.

“Is that truly what would happen?”

Pili shrugged, “dunno, maybe I watched too many sci-fi flicks in the modern world, but why take the chance, right?”

“Agreed,” Anubis had no earthly idea what that meant, but he agreed that unnecessary chances with time and space should not be taken.

A sudden swell of emotion assaulted him.

“Pili, I know that you are not my father, but I–”

“None of that, come here son.”

Pili pulled the young man into a tight embrace, “I may not have made you, Anubis, but I raised you as my own and shaped the man you’ve become; never doubt for one moment that I am your father.”

“Yes, sir.”

“And I don’t mean that in a weird Darth Vader kind of way.”


“That guy in there is you uncle, and he isn’t me,” Pili’s tone was almost frustrated sounding, “one day he will be, but not for thousands of years and a hell of a lot of fuss, you get me?”

“I do,” well, not really, but Anubis felt like he was clever enough to figure it out eventually, and this man didn’t need any additional burdens of worry.

“Good lad.”

“Are you nervous about the change?”


Pili nodded, “yeah, I was too, it’ll be okay though, I promise; it only stings for a few,” he blinked, “well, weeks.”

“That sounds…bearable?”  Especially next to the rather daunting business of trying not to miss one’s home and family all day every day.


A short awkward silence fell between them, “so, um, any other questions, or–?”

Anubis knew they could not draw it out any longer.

“No, sir,” the young man glanced back toward the temple, “I will join your past self and become an immortal guardian until such a time as your future son, Mosi, is ready to take on the mantle for himself, at which point I am free to seek a cure if I please or–retire.”

“I don’t really want to think about you retiring, to be honest,” there was a catch in his voice, “but I’ll leave that part up to you.”

“Kebechet…” he didn’t really know what to say, but Pili seemed to understand.

“I’ll keep her safe, and that little bun of yours too.”

“She’s really cross with me.”


“She should have chosen Horus,” he felt an unpleasant tightness in his bowels saying it out loud.

“Nah, I think she made a good call…or was it Hattie that decided?”

Anubis managed a smirk, “give Hattie my best when she stages her hostile takeover?”

“You betcha.”

“I suppose I ought to…” he gestured weakly at the temple in the distance.

“Yes, right!” Pili looked uncharacteristically awkward, “well, take care, son; you will be missed.”

Anubis turned and strode away.  They, too, would be missed.


Kebechet was never going to forgive that selfish lack-wit for abandoning her!

“It is not up to me, Highness,” he’d reminded her, “the Goddess needs my service elsewhere.”

“But I am your Queen!” She’d protested, “I need your service here–”

Wasn’t serving the Queen exactly what the Goddess demanded?

“You are my Queen, Kebs,” he’d murmured to her, “you always will be.”

He’d never said anything that nice before…it was…weird?  And painful.

Nice words weren’t supposed to be painful!

“But what if I am carrying a boy?” She’d demanded, trying to repress a sniffle, “who will sire my daughter if I’m carrying a boy and you are gone.”

“There is always Horus, or, if you are willing to wait a couple of decades,” he smirked at her, “Garai.”

Kebechet huffed at the memory of his teasing; he was always teasing, even when she was clearly very distraught.

Her eyes sought out Nafi’s little boy, and the princess huffed again.

‘Garai indeed,’ if only mother were ready to step down and hand Kebechet her rightful inheritance! She could command someone to go fetch a fine new breeding slave from The Basin to sire her daughters.

The thought failed to fill her with the happiness it once had…what in Goddess name was the matter with her?

‘Do I no longer wish to be Queen?’ Absurd! That could not possibly be the case; being Queen was all she had ever wanted for herself for as long as she could remember.

The baby inside her shifted, and Kebechet’s eyes fell on her sister.

Hatshepsut hardly spoke to her now, and she could not figure out why; was her sister displeased about the baby? Probably so, as a new princess would mean a lower position for Raet’s youngest daughter.

‘She’s jealous, clearly,’ Kebechet tried to push away the concern about her sister’s behaviour. After all, there was nothing to be concerned about! What could Hattie even do?


The fool looked especially pathetic and weepy today; not surprising, perhaps, given that Pili had finally carted their cousin off to the temple, as he had been threatening to do for years.

‘Goddess forbid that I be so pitiful when I carry a child,’ Hattie frowned, ‘surely Athena cannot be pleased with this creature that is set to inherit her Chosen Line.’

All this fuss over a boy, of all things! Granted that Anubis was clever, and capable, and fine to look at, and certainly they did seem to enjoy one another, but it wasn’t as though there weren’t other males to be had.

‘What is one young man against the solemn burden of a crown?’ Kebechet clearly did not understand what it took to bear the weight of Athena’s Grace.

But Hattie certainly did.

“What are you plotting now in that plotty little head of yours?”

“I am not plotting…much.”

“It’s still early in the day,” Horus winked at her, “plenty of time to glare at your sister in contempt as you contemplate her ultimate demise.”

“Doesn’t it bother you? The way she mopes around here wailing and complaining, carrying on about how unfair everything is, and oh my Goddess you guys! Can you believe he just left me to go do his sworn duty to our deity?

Horus snorted. “Careful little sister; your eyes just about rolled out of your head.”

“She’s a disease, Horus,” Hattie glared at her older brother, “a blight, a stain on the proud lineage of Bastet.”

“Aw, she’s still really young, Hats! Cut the girl some slack–”

“I am still really young, also,” snapped the princess, “but you don’t see me pining after Anubis like some besotted, simpering fool.”

“I’m sort of tempted to pine,” Horus sighed theatrically, “not gonna lie, he had some damn finely sculpted buttocks.”

Hattie snorted, “you are an idiot.”

“Fair enough,” he poked her, “boop!”

“…Seriously, Horus?”


Movement drew Hattie’s attention away from her brother’s antics.

“Where is she going?” As if there wasn’t enough to worry about with Kebechet pregnant and mooning about, now there was this peculiar new woman making herself comfortable in their settlement.

“Taveah’s actually really nice, Hattie, you should give her a chance; she’s been teaching me and Pili these bendy exercises called yoga.”

“I have no doubt you men enjoying bending with Taveah.”

As much as Hatshepsut would have welcomed a new Tribal Sister, there was something in this woman’s sudden and mysterious appearance that did not sit quite right with her…

The Berber Company Captain

“Well?” Tadla the Berber stared expectantly at her minion.

Taveah shrugged a shoulder and smiled, “their chakras are all over the place man.”

“Focus Vee, I don’t give a shit about their chakras; tell me about the treasure.”

“Oooh, yeah!” The woman nodded slolwy, “riiight, the treasure…I totally forgot!”

“Oh for fuck sake,” Tadla felt a migraine coming on, “I should have sent Mayua to do this…”

“May? Duude!” Gasped the incompetent weirdo, “I haven’t seen that cat in like, woa…”

Watching Taveah try to calculate spans of time in her head was both exhausting and not why they’d come here in the first place.

“Vee! Snap out of it, tell me what they’ve got.”

“Well there’s this suuuper nice ginger chick and her short homegirl, don’t remember their names and stuff, but, they’re in a poly with this bald dude, and, omg Tad, I know you like the ladies, but, you should see this guy!”

Taveah stood there in a daze, no doubt seeing ‘this guy’.

“I’m not paying you to ogle the marks, Taveah!”

“Woa, you’re payin’ me?”

“Er, why yes, very handsomely, in fact.”

Well, perhaps handsomely was a bit of an exaggeration…but it was hardly Tadla’s fault they were in a bit of a slump!

“Aww! That’s really decent of you Boss!” Taveah came in for a hug, forcing her employer to take a step back.

“Just–hurry up and tell me about this ginger chick’s loot, you need to return before you are missed!”

“Oh sure, no sweat Boss! Um, I don’t think they got any loot tho, I mean they’ve got some food and a few stone statue thingies–”


“Like, don’t get me wrong tho, I’m not sayin’ it ain’t a nice place–”

“More things I don’t give a shit about!” Tadla felt her last nerve snap, “you get back there and find me some damn treasure, or so help me Goddess, I will sell your ass to the flesh market!”

Did other mercenary captains slash entrepreneurs have to put up with this nonsense?

“Okay, okay, chill Boss Lady! I’ll have another look!”

The Berber woman turned away from her minion with a scoff, “see that you find something this time! There will be no third chances.”

And she almost certainly meant it this time.

“Ulfr! Thorin! Put your cocks away; we’re leaving.”


Hattie! You pervy peeper!

Also, omg!  MORE CASTING CALL SIMS!! /flings confettis
See?  Told you we’d see more of them (didn’t I?  Oh, maybe I didn’t…surprise!!)

I’m sure we all remember Taveah (by Skcaga6) who dropped in rather unexpectedly last time we visited Simchu Pichu!  (You do remember that, right?  OMG, okay, here is link to page of chars thing: LINK).

So now I’m pleased to welcome the enterprising Mercenary Captain slash Entrepreneur, Tadla the Berber (by InfraGreen) and her large axe-wielding Nordic henchman Ulfr (also by InfraGreen), and Thorin (by Sassie).


51 thoughts on “84. So Long Suckers

  1. The surprise secks in the background of the last shots made me forget my sadness at the first. If nothing else, Mosi would be the best Pili 2 I could think of, and it’s not just because he has the required nose (could Anubis ever hope to compare?)

    If my kids are all about destroying the incestuous harmony of yours, then so be it, I’m cruel. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    1. The only thing Ulfr wants to destroy is Thorin’s freckled peach 👀

      Mosi is going to need to do a lot of crunches to reach true Piliness, and also get over his unnatural love of sweater vests and hair 😔

      Liked by 1 person

  2. 😭😭😭😭 Whyyyyyy must you give me these feels today? Poor Nubbins. This won’t be easy for him… we already know what he will become, and how all those years in solitude in the temple will change him (and I don’t just mean physically either!) but it’s so sad to actually see it happening! 😭

    And Kebs and the baby left behind 😭 Ugh, all the inevitable abandonment and goodbyes in this story, man… 💔

    Wonder it Hattie will find out about the mercs and decide to join them for a takedown of big sis 😈 (she’ll have to conjure up some good treasure to placate them though… do Pili’s abs count? 😛 )

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh no, feels 😬
      It will tho, yeah…but at least he gets a tonne of research done 🎉
      Aww, Kebs will be fine (maybe) (no promises) heyyy, maybe they’ll all see each other again one day (probably not tho)

      Pili’s abs 10/10 count (though maybe not with Tadla) one thing for sure is Hattie won’t take this shit standing down! 💣

      Liked by 1 person

  3. “Put your cocks away”: I hope to use this phrase IRL at some point, ty.

    Bye-bye Nubbins. 😭😭😭😭 Can’t blame Kebs for moping, poor thing. I wanna know what flavor of bun is in her oven tho.

    Also the nipple-booping, LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL.

    I’m so happy that you’re back. ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I originally had that line as “pull your pants up”
      They’re not actually wearing pants, so…logic.
      (You can use that one also tho if you want /Oly guns & wink)

      It’s cherry pie… surpriseee!
      JK, I don’t konw
      (ok I do)
      I would mope too, he’s a beautiful creature 😭

      I’m so happy too ❤
      /nerple boop

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Crying Nubbins and Pili? Heavy rainshowers are upon us in the upcoming weeks.
    You’ve really mastered the art of drawing readers attention to things that are going on in the background. I barely remember what Tadla and Taveah were talking about. I’m sure it wasn’t nearly as important as Thorin’s and Ulfr’s business.
    Did Horus by any chance fall from a bushrope on his head? He kinda gave me that impression for a moment.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. We finally have the answer to the question, tho: “what would it take to make Pili and/or Nubbins weep”
      (no, not like that, omg)
      (ok maybe butt it would be A/U)

      TFW, you take all these pics and then you’re like, crap, I guess these ladies need dialogue.
      Wait, is anyone going to be reading the dialogue?

      Horus is just practicing his skills of Diffusing Hattie’s Plotting, with a nerple boop. As brothers do ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Pili and Nubbins! 😭😭😭😭. So sad. Kebs….stop whining…you’re going to get taken out, I fear, by topless sister – and did her brother poke her in the – of course he did! 🙄

    I was cracking up at the guys HUGE axe in the background. Yes….that was what caught my attention! 😂😂😂. Not the two newcomers plotting to get treasure…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. At least they got to hug it out?! 😭
      Yeah, Kebs needs to be careful a bit maybe, unless Horus can sufficiently distract Hattie with awesome brotherly nerple boops…
      (I double dog dare Cole to try it with Ami)

      His axe is SO MASSIVE. It’s a wonder it didn’t do Thorin a harm (bc he clearly would run into it a lot, bc SO MASSIVE)

      Liked by 2 people

      1. OMG…Cole nerple booping Ami. Eeeek…. dies a little inside imaging it! Ami runs to Ben…. “Daddy…Cole…..”. Nope can’t even…. 😱😱😱.

        But your Amazon’s. It’s just normal for them….lol… just like the “put your cocks away” didn’t phase me at all. Nope – not one bit!

        Liked by 3 people

  6. Those damn Ninjas! They not only sneak into my house and cut onions, but they manage to infiltrate the jungle and do the same there!

    I’m really enjoying Taveah, she’s so funny how scatterbrained she is! 😀

    Also, how exciting! Kebab’s got a Nubboo on the way!!!

    And Horus… 😀 Hattie was so unimpressed it was priceless!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. The onion ninjas STRIKE again 😦
      (but also, see what I did there? kekekek)
      (bc you have a story called st–nvm, it’s early)

      Aww, Taveah; she’s not really trying to steal stuff, she just wants everyone to be happy and have balanced chakras!

      Hattie needs a Horus to keep her from setting everything on fire (he’s doing the Goddess work)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I totally DID see what you did there!

        I wonder… Should I revisit those crazy fools? 😉 😀

        Exactly! She’s good people, honest! Just hanging with the wrong crew, or maybe the right crew (she can keep the 2 dudes) but just the wrong boss.

        Now he just needs to do Hatt… Oops, I’ve said too much, LOOK OVER THERE!!! Is that a crocodile!?!

        Liked by 1 person

        (I need resolution)
        (It’s all about me)

        Oh those plucky corcodiles, constantly distracting everyone!!
        Where is scary toddler when I need one.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Tadla looks so much like Enid, I thought you stole her! Lol!

    Felt so bad for Nubbins…but everything is starting to converge.

    Lol! I didn’t see the gay Nords until Enid, I mean Tadla told them to put their cocks away. Then I went back and saw their public display…rofl!

    I’m interested to find out how the tribe is going to deal with these thieves…at least there’s more men for Hattie to choose from if she doesn’t birth a girl.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. LOL! I’m going to have to go and do a side by side comparison now!

      Yeah, poor Nubs, Kebs doesn’t realize that he’s getting the crap end of the stick in this deal, but at least he doesn’t have a sister plotting his downfall (allegedly), bc Nafi is chill AF

      Heyyy, yeah, they could just take all the men and enslave them!! (10/10 Kebs would be down with this plan)
      (Kebs is very pro slavery)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You were just so forlorn at not yet seeing Tadla that your brain secretly rebirthed her as Enid.

        I sorry. Is my fault 😦
        Por brain

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Omg Pili and Nubsie and Kebab so much feels, I’m crying 😭😭
    you will be missed, pretty boi! (see ya in another time, hopefully)

    I must say I really enjoyed the view where Tav and Vee are talking… bet they missed a few treats tho. Or they’re just used to it 🤷‍♀️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. /ponders
      I would say:
      Tadla: just used to it
      Taveah: totally missed it

      I knowww, I got a little emotional over Pili and Nubbins and Kebab
      (it hurts me to hurt them)
      /ebil cackle

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Whoo!! Ancient peoples man! Optimo tempore!!

    … oops Latin slipping in thar 😝

    Love me some Hottie. She’s gonna make the bestest queen. Sorry, not sorry again, Kebabs.

    And you knoooooow, if there’s a merry band of mercs around, some muscle can help keep Kebabs in line. Especially if they don’t want to plum her treasure vault cuz they would rather raid more forbidden chambers.

    And Mayua gets a name drop. Yayay!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No worries, google translate to the rescue!!

      Hottie 10/10 agrees with you, and she’s so good, she’ll probably even find a way that Kebab can be useful.
      (What a feat)

      HA, at the idea of Kebab trying (and failing) to seduce Tadla’s henchmen.
      “Here is my verfuba! Will exchange for freedom!”
      Ulfr: “har har hrr”
      Thorin: “girl, hae some pride”

      Or something.

      Mayua is off somewhere, probably hunting for Soft Men. O.O


  10. For a moment I had to think back and remember if I had ever introduced you to the real life Tevaeh that I created her after. You nailed that air headed creature perfectly. Add some temper tantrums when she doesn’t get her way and it would be 100% dead on.

    I want to give Pili a hug (and a few other things to cheer him up).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh I don’t think so, is that a cat?? 😼

      I think my version might have too many herbals in her system for tempers, butt probably Pili hugs Inc 😈

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Court of WitcHazards: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭❤️😭😭❤️❤️😭😭😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️😭😭!

    Dark WitcHazard: Curse notifications this was back four days ago and I missed the party! Hattie’s hostile take over will be glorious! Can’t wait for Hattie to kill some folk! First taste of blood is always the best!

    Lover WitcHazard: OMG Pili Ultimate Daddy is back I’m so happy! And new gorgeous faces to fall in love with I missed this!😍

    Shipper WitcHazard: Aw the OG simauthor who made everyone okay with incest! Let the crazy ships sail on again!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. /cuddles all the WitcHazards
      Aww, I missed u guise ❤

      Hattie's def gonna thrown down some kind of hurt on someone(s?) BUTT HOO?!
      Maybe everyone O.O idek

      It's true, Pili is everyone's Daddy (or should be?) can't wait to show all the rest of the casting call simsss (I've had those beautiful people in my musty pocket for far too long)
      ❤ ❤ ❤


  12. Dudes in the background Cracked. Me. Up. Mostly because at first, I didn’t notice them, so nicely done there.
    That Tav might be serious trouble, but I trust Hattie to handle it.

    Liked by 1 person

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